I've been spending a lot of time on the computer lately; trying to sell some things on Ebay, setting up my WorshipTheRock page, updating my Facebook page, and monitoring my MySpace Music page. I don't know if anyone else ever feels this way, but right now everything seems to be very good for me and my family. I'm about to graduate in December with my teaching degree (and hopefully start teaching in January), I'm leading worship on Wed. nights for a wonderful church that treats me very good and on Sunday for my home church which also treats me very good. This sometimes makes me feel very uneasy and I'll explain why. I started leading worship when I was 19 years old (I'm 32 now), and for almost 11 years and in almost every situation I was basically used for my talent and thrown away whenever I did something that the church/ministry didn't agree with, or I made a mistake. I always thought that the church was supposed to be a place of healing, a place that valued people above everything else, including reputation, money, and all the material things that churches seem to value in reality. I came very close to giving up completely on the church, even though I never gave up on my love for Jesus, these situations made it very hard to love the church when they were continuously sucking out the marrow of my spiritual existence, and were never there when I needed them the most. I have gone through a lot of healing over these issues and Jesus is still working on me and thankfully allowing me to lead others in worship as this process is going on, He is so awesome that it sometimes blows my mind. I'm scared that because of being hurt in the past, that I'm damaged goods, and my current churches will eventually do the same thing. I'm learning more and more to trust Jesus with everything, even an unknown future and unknown places. I don't have Christian parents that I can talk to, and sometimes things get so overwhelming that I can't handle it, and other times things are peaceful and wonderful and I sit and wait for the other shoe to drop and disaster to strike. I'm praying for Jesus to help me, to make me more of a confident father/husband/leader, and for me to be the example for others rather than looking for examples around me to follow. I know I'll get there someday... I'm not where I want to be yet, but thank Jesus I'm not what I used to be.

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Comment by Tim Harmer on July 28, 2008 at 1:47pm
Hey Jon,

I think that we are all to a degree damaged goods..

I think that all too often we cn get into the rutt of what about me.. But then it's not about us... is it..

It's about Jesus, him crucified... for us.. mmm

We all need to press on towards the prize.. But along the way we need to strive to where Jesus wants us to be..

I am having some real personal battles at the moment..

You see I run my own business have done for about 7 years.. I love what I do, well at leat I used to.

Over the past 6 months or so I have started to feel this real sense that God has something else for me to do... I am stuck though cause I don't know what it is.. hummm...

I just want to know so I can start on this new journey.. it is driving me nuts... :Lord give me patience" it is not one of my stronger points..

Anyway... We can all feel like the People in our Churches are only there to suck the marrow from our bones.. I think they'd drain our blodd if we died if the was some value in it for them too....

But remeber this..

when we became Christains.. followers of Jesus.. we left ALL of our rights at the door... It's no longer about me or you.. it's about Jesus..

For me to live is CHRIST... and to die is Gain.. no matter what price I pay.. I CHOOSE to give my life away...



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