Good to hear!
This wasn't planned, so it's not exactly a "joke" per se -- but our drummer was leading the bell choir and missed a "rit." marking (slow down). Apologizing, he announced, "I missed a ritard." Those bell ringers weren't born yesterday. Immediately a roar went up at the perceived "I'm Mister Retard."
Why is the worship leader afraid of the Number 7?
Cause 7 8 9!
But I think that would only work if the WL was 9 .... numbuh 9.... numbuh 9.... numbuh 9.... numbuh 9
A pastor asked his congregation, "Does anyone here know what the term resurrection means?" A young boy raised his hand and said, "I'm not sure exactly what it means but if it last more than 4 hours, you need to see a doctor."
From Carl the Bassist . . .
Q: What's the definition of Perfect Pitch?
A: When you throw an accordion into the dumpster and it lands on a banjo.
Q: How are a bass solo and a blind javelin thrower alike?
A: Both command immediate attention, alarm, and force everyone to move out of range.
A guy goes into a doctor's office complaining of pain. The doctor asks, "Where does it hurt?" The guy touches his arm and says ouch. Then he touches his knee and says owwwwwch. Then he touches his stomach and says owwww. "It hurts everywhere!" he tells the doctor. The doctor says... "You're a bass player aren't you?" The guy replies, "How did you know that?" The doctor tells him, "You don't hurt everywhere ... you're finger is broken."
Other uses for a headless guitar (with apologies to all who own these babies):
Get three more and make a windmill !!!
Guitar Tuner - <Whack!> You wanna tune that thing or what?!?
External Guitar Amp Volume Control - <Whack!> - You wanna turn down or what?!?
Metronome - <Whack!> - There's the downbeat! - <Whack!> - There's another one!
Multi-String Bow - OK, that's a stretch. Yow!!
Headache Reliever - <Whack!> - Feel better now?!?
Or, just smack ME with the darn thing for writing this.
With so many wonderful uses, I think we should all have one in our arsenal . . .
If you have instruments on your team:
Q. What does the expression mean, "the horns of a dilemma"?
A. Two trombones playing the same part.
Does the Navy chaplain have a warship team?