Greetings all,

I am new to this forum and wanted to introduce myself.  I have previously played guitar on a worship team in Colorado where I started on acoustic and later moved to electric lead guitar. where I played with the team for a bit over 3 years.  My wife and I recently moved to rural Montana and there are not may opportunities to play with a worship band.  After seeking the Lord in how He would have me using my talents, I am focusing my time on building my guitar skills and writing music for the first time for Him.

Up for your consideration is one of my first attempts and getting something recorded.  I had always had a hard time writing lyrics and melody so this song has been an exercise in that, among other things.  The lyrics are inspired by a study I have been doing in Isaiah, especially from chapter 12. 

I am new to recording but did the best I can with my computer and a good DAW.  I also played all instruments and programmed the drum track.   I've always disliked my voice but I sang on this recording just to get my ideas down.  My prayer is that God would bring me together with others for recording/writing collaborations.

Feedback appreciated

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Hi Michael

For your first attempt at recording this is really good.

For your first attempt at writing, not so bad.

Your voice is fine!

My nits

Lyrics need tightening

You are not saying anything new or in a different way

There is no "Hook"

Chorus is not different enough from the verses

I think this needs some more developing.

The INDEED part could be expanded and made into a hook and or a bridge.

Just some thoughts, not to discourage you but to encourage you.

You have some good beginnings here, keep going!

Blessings

ang :)

Thanks for your feedback Angela!

First observation is that, for a "song of praise" this is SOOOO slow.  Think about reworking it so that the lyrics go by about twice as fast.

Angela's points are good.  On the subject of tightening the lyric - just because all the lines come from a particular chapter, that doesn't mean they work well together as a lyric.  When I'm working on a lyric based on a Psalm, I start out by finding an idea in the Psalm that I think would make a good song - even if it is not the central theme of that Psalm.  Then I look for other lines in the Psalm that somehow support that central idea.  A lot of lines in the original text get left behind to be used in some other song.

What with this being a song of praise, I would leave out the 'even though you were angry at me' stuff currently in the first verse, or at least move it down in the song (maybe that's the contrasting idea that would work as a bridge?).  The first few lines of a song are where the listener decides what the song is about, and then everything else is tied onto that.  So start us off with a strong focus on why (or how or when or where or whatever) the singer would sing praise.

Playing, singing, recording are all quite sufficient for a demo like this, no problem with any of that. 

As a worship leader who listens to songs on WtR thinking about whether I would use this song with our own worship band, a couple things come to mind.  When I saw the song was six minutes long, I would be tempted to just skip it... also, although our band doesn't currently do a song by this title, keep in mind that there are hundreds of songs with this same title, and if I was looking for songs to do with our band and we already had one with the same title, I would probably skip over it just because our band is already confused enough :-)  Taking a quick look at Isaiah 12, I might pick out, 'In that day / I will say / praise the Lord" as a title that's less common... and then build my song around that.  On what day? Maybe on the day when the Lord becomes my salvation, or on the day when God's anger turns away (though I would still bury that anger stuff down in the song).  But, ya know, a slightly unusual title that sets this song apart, that also serves as a hook so that if I heard this song and wanted to find it to use with our band, I wouldn't have to sort through the search results for I Will Sing To You Lord...

The encouraging bit at the end: please do keep writing songs and posting them here... I don't think I'd use this particular one with our band (though, if you don't mind and I get some time, I might crank out my own fast version of the song, sorta 'if our band did this song, this is how it would sound...').  And don't give up just because there are fewer churches than there were in Colorado.  Go visiting, you might find a church that doesn't have a contemporary service at all, but would like to, and then you negotiate a little bit and you wind up in charge of the band :-).  But that's a whole other discussion...

Charles

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