https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPtXJvzd_nQ

Hi all,

Any comments and thoughts please! 

Verses

Why do the things of the world still turn my head?

How can a kingdom come, now and not yet?

Why do those that God has joined get split beyond repair?

I don't know.

Why are the darkest times the ones I can't forget?

How can I freely choose if it's already set?

Could we ever learn to love without all the old regrets?

I don't know. I don't know, I don't know.

Chorus

I believe that Your plan is good

I believe that Your love comes through

I believe You know what to do

I trust You, I trust You

Bridge

You make all things work together for my good

You make all things work together for my good

You make all things work together for my good

You hold it all together

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPtXJvzd_nQ


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Good stuff Joe! I would suggest making the title just "Questions". I like it though overall. Thanks for sharing!

I've been thinking about this whole "All things work together" idea a lot lately - this used to be my fave scripture, although I've kinda moved on to other postures of late... here in the US, there's a new TV show called "Manifest" - on the surface it's about an airplane flight that disappears for five years, and in the pilot there was a definite look at this idea of "things that seemed to be bad, that turned out to be good in the end..." Subsequent episodes have turned more into a sci-fi mystery about what happened to the plane, is this a government conspiracy? But they keep dropping in little hints that somebody on the writing team still wants to get back to this other idea...

On to the song, though... and you know what happens when I start picking apart a song, so I won't even worrying about apologizing in advance... :-)

Well, in the verses God is, umm, third person, but in the chorus and bridge, God is "You." So if we were going to do the song with our band, I'd have to ask permission to fix that. Sorry, pet peeve :-) More on this further down.

Craft thing, the lines in verse 2 rhyme pretty closely, verse 1, not so. Since I'm a "rhymes" guy, I'd probably try to figure out how to rephrase that third line in v1 so that it ends with "split" - "why do those that God has joined wind up something-ly split?" Similarly, the chorus, couldn't God's plan be "true" instead of "good" ??? Another pet peeve, I like stuff that rhymes, but if it's not gonna rhyme, then don't let it rhyme anywhere...

Musically, I know it's not quite this simple, but it feels like it's the same four chords over and over; the melody on the chorus goes elsewhere, but I feel like I want the chorus to have a chord pattern that's more like the bridge - something definitely distinguishable from the verses, and then take the bridge somewhere even further...

I like that you're tackling this "all things work together" idea; what seems to me like it's missing is a last verse where the story takes a bit more positive turn. The first two verses set us up that this is a song about a marriage that has fallen apart or something like that, and then the chorus and bridge give us the principle that "all things work together for good," and I want to hear something in here about how... maybe the singer hasn't figured out how THIS situation is going to work out for good, but maybe at least an example of how some previous situation worked out, so MAYBE this one will, too.

It also seems like "those that God has joined" is such a well known phrase that it doesn't exactly let us know that this is going to turn into a "God" song. The verses don't exactly set us up for what the song turns into in the chorus and bridge. This might be where it would actually work better if the chorus became "I believe that God's plan is good, I believe that God's love comes through, I believe God knows what to do... yes I do, yes I do..." The verses set us up for a guy dealing with a relationship that has fallen apart, and I want the song to stick with that; suddenly addressing God as "You" in the chorus/bridge kinda draws the singer away from that relationship we're learning about in the verses. And distance things in the bridge as well: "All things work together for my good {3x} - hold it all together."

I didn't feel that the verses set the song up as about a broken relationship. I read your comment and had to go back and re-read the lyrics. The relationship piece was one line out of all the verse lines... each line giving a different question on an array of topics. Relationships was just one in the mix. That's how I read/heard it anyway.

Well, it's Joe's song, he can decide.  I felt like "what God has joined" plus "how can we ever learn to love without the old regrets" pointed toward a (failed) romantic relationship and there wasn't anything in those two verses that pointed as strongly to this being a "spiritual" song.  "Things of the world" and "kingdom come" weren't enough to establish that other context for me.

Joe, were you thinking of this as a "worship" song or more of a "performance" song?  

Joe, I'm assuming that you know this is how I critique stuff and none of it is personal.  These are the things I'd be looking at if this was my song.

Hi Charles,

no worries...I've been on WTR long enough to know your methods! :-)

I really like the style of this song.  The melody in the verses grabs me.  The lyrics ask reflective questions burdened with some doubt.  That being said, I hope you'll do a second verse - 4 or 8 lines along with tweaking and perfecting the song further.  The song has potential.

I'm thinking that the whole song would be better if your chorus embodied some aspect of your title.  If it were me, I would have something at the end of the chorus (instead of "I trust You...") like, "You hear my questions - none of them get by You,  You hear my questions - I will trust in You".   That's what I might do - so just a suggestion.

Hi Brian, thank you for taking the time to listen and give feedback...I'll have a play with some of the suggestions...

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