Hey all,

As always, thoughts and ideas welcome...lyrics/chords attached.

O Take Me Back- YouTube

https://youtu.be/JOlQNnh7zoI

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Okay, I had a really hard time following the rhythm of the lyric and the rhythm of the guitar at the same time. It feels like maybe you were listening to a click track or a bass that the rest of us weren't in on. After listening six or eight times, it starts to make sense, but that may not be the best way to get first-listeners to go, "hey, we should do this one with our band..." This might be what a good rhythm guitarist would play on this song with a band, but it feels weird for a guy & guitar version.

That second line on the chorus, since it doesn't need to rhyme with anything, maybe you could sing it more like "that I'll never / lose the wonder" and connect the "of" to the next line? Or, like, "lose the wonder / that your blood..."

Something about the phrase "take me back" doesn't sit quite right in my ears... could it be "Keep me close / to Calvary" ???

"You never forsake / so when I forget / fill me with wonder again" maybe???

I get (after a couple listens) the central idea of the song, but it feels to me like maybe it could use another pass at tightening up the lyrics, focusing them in on exactly what you want to say..

Usual disclaimers about "your song, do what you wanna do."  We still use "Be With Me" now and then...

Hi Charles, thank you for the feedback.

There's no click track, might be related to the level mix of guitar and vocals, This was mixed direct on the video camera (Zoom Q8) rather than using my usual recording software. I'm still practicing on the Zoom!

You're right the lyrics do need a few more tweaks, this version is basically 'as written' without my usual 'letting it settle' and re-visiting.
You never forsake / so when I forget - like the sound of this, I'll have a run through with that. Cheers,

Joe

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