*Disclaimer* - these are the thoughts and ruminations of a busy wife and mom who, when she has time on her hands, has a tendency to think a tad TOO much! :-)
I don't know about you, but I talk to God...a LOT. We chat in the car on the way to work, sometimes during work (sorry for that "Holy CRAP!" Lord, when Meg texted me and told me her credit card was stolen out of her wallet), if I need patience, before I go to bed, and first thing when I wake up in the morning. Sometimes we'll even chat if You give me a nudge and say "Hey Chris...pray for soandso, will ya?"...
Lately I've been talking to Him about this imperfect world thing. Yah, I realize Eve, apple, garden, real world, pain, suffering...etc...but that doesn't mean I can't let Him know how frustrated I feel. Just recently, I've begun to "get" this whole free will thing. It's one of those things that I think the Holy Spirit must work on, cos never in a million years can you logically explain it - you just understand it on a deeper level - sort of like the Trinity.
Anyway...it's just not fair. Kids die, good kids, their whole lives ahead of them, and an illness takes them that they had no choice in getting. Sisters get illnesses after living years of being vibrant and healthy, and the prognosis is guarded. People die in auto accidents, shootings, etc...wow...where is the good in all this? Why God, did you let that little girl die when she seemed like she had SO much more to accomplish in her short time on this earth?
That's where my faith is tested. If I think too much, my head starts to spin - free will - yes we all have it...we make choices, sometimes they are the wrong ones, and we have to live with them. God will try and get us out of that bad choice by the Holy Spirit prompting, but in the end, if we choose to mess up, He allows us to do it. I can understand that...what I have a hard time accepting is this fallen world. The sickness especially.
As a nurse, I've seen death a lot of times. Sometimes it just did not seem fair. Other times, I could SO see God working. Other times, the person dying had accepted death, but their family hadn't, and clung onto them, actually prolonging their time on earth, with their unwillingness to let them go. But kids dying - that is tough. God takes care of the kids, because I really think they have an uncanny ability to see Him, because they don't have the earthly burdens that we as adults carry. They have a pure faith, untainted by harsh realities.
I guess what I am feeling, is really as Paul put it in Romans: We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.
My spirit groans inwardly because I am stuck on this earth, and I know it's not perfect. I know that what lies ahead will be greater than anything I've experienced here on earth. But that doesn't mean that I still can't groan a bit while I'm here :-)