I was blessed today to have a rare week off the worship team, and was able to go to a new church. At the last minute, my daughter made carpool plans with another kid going to camp, so hubby & I have the "pick up duty" rather than the "drop off" duty which left me free to attend another church.
I have been wrestling for a long time with the "SISOSIG" syndrome - Should-i-stay-or-should-i-go at my present position of WL...it's been further complicated by the invasion of the "Whadogodwa" organism (What Does God Want?) and thus I have remained where I am for the past three years.
God's taken me a through a lot of teaching in that time, through some hills, lots of valleys, trials of patience and perserverance (I never could spell that word - is it perSERverence or perSAverence or is it rEnce, instead of rAnce? so many possibilities!)
However, for the past year, I've really felt like I wanted to leave, but wasn't sure what God wanted (ahhh...doubt and hesitation, the devil's playground!) I've made lists, prayed, and God has remained mum on this issue, much to my chagrin. I am pretty sure He is saying either "Hey Chris - I already gave you the answer silly!" or "I think you can figure this one out yourself - I gave you everything you need to do it too!"
I wrestle because the team and i are very tight. I've got a great guitarist who has a true gift for leading that I've been encouraging. Is he ready yet to fully take over? Musically and artistically, yes....spiritually? not so sure - he's young, but he has an enthusiasm for Christ that is infectious, so the answer to the latter is prolly "yes". I know him like a book. We connect on Sunday, and I know just where he's going with the fast set, it's really a cool God thing, even if we haven't rehearsed it that way (hah, and I tease him, cos he almost always deviates LOL - drives the drummer crazy, but he follows!) It's hard to leave something like that.
I also wrestle because there are some other reasons for possibly leaving, but one of the major ones is that the kids go to a different church now. So, I decided to go to the church they are attending to see what attracted them.
To be honest, I was hesistant. It's a very large church, could probably be classified as a "mega" church. I didn't want to be a number. Before I left, there was a little voice inside my head saying "ahh...you're not gonna like it - it's a huge church, why go? Stay home for once"...but I pushed it out of my head, and said "Ok Lord, I'm going, and Satan - this is for you!" - and I stuck my tongue out at him, got in the car, and drove to Grace.
It's huge...the building looks like the size of an airplane hangar...tons of parking, and HUGE building just for the youth, etc. etc..wowzers...people directing traffic...Luckily since I was a guest, I got to park close to the sanctuary...I read on their website they have a "park and ride" lot too -hoo boy..shuttles?? So...I go in, and take a seat in the last aisle. Why? Cos there were singles there, and if I felt like dancing, I got the whole back...I never get to dance on Sundays, cos I am usually at the keyboards...
The music starts - slick band...instrumentalists are tight - bass, keys, drums, lead and rhythm guitar(acoustic)....WL comes out after an instrumental, and 4 ppl join him on stage - the vocalists....They start off with "In You" by Lincoln Brewster...way cool song, I loved it, got into it (even though the vocalists were a bit off on the harmony eeek...surprising - I expected the vocalists to be as tight as the band - ooops!)...then they did another song..."Here I am to Worship" old standby..."How Great is our God", and "Beautiful One"...- again the harmony was pitchy -ouch! (sorry, I'm a keyboard player, but also a vocalist)...However, God has taught me over the years to ignore the distractions and focus on HIM, so I had fun in that back row :)
Then the message - way cool...I had to laugh because the pastor was preaching on Proverbs...guess which one?
A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge,
but the simple keep going and suffer for it. --- Proverbs 22:12
Hmmm...reminded me immediately of my situation...especially the last part of the verse...you see, Solomon was saying a wise man knows what to look for, and takes action...a simple man keeps going and suffers for it.
Now, to me that doesn't always mean "trouble" - I interpreted to mean in my case that here I am in a situation I should no longer be in, but I'm being simple, ignoring the signs God is sending me, and thusly suffering for it...du OH!...Looking back on it, Yah, God's sent me some signs, and I think I've ignored them...so who do I have to blame for my situation but myself? My love of my fellow team members is what is keeping me at my church, and that's it. Sometimes it's time to push them out of the nest and let them fly on their own....
Thanks Lord, for opening my eyes this morning...and yah...Grace was way cool. I can see why my kids like it...My spirit was really at peace there :-)