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Dipping my toe in the water so to speak.
Greetings!
This is my first exposure to asking for feedback on something I have put down on paper. I don't write all the time, only when it seems there is something that needs said. With that here is my first entry in this group.
Set Me Free
I wanna be right
I wanna be strong
I wanna be safely wrapped, up in your arms
Lord help me to turn, Away from sin
Open up my heart, and let you in
But I can't seem to hear your voice,
it's so easy for me to make the wrong choices
feels like everyday I'm letting you down
And I know this sin is killing me
All I want to be is set free
I need you Lord, more than I know
So set me free, from this sin over me
Set me free yeah, set me free
Now I'm walking with you,
I've got a fresh start
Your love for me, shot strait through my heart
So I want you to know, how his love can flow
If you'll open up, and let Him in
But if you can't seem to hear his voice
and it's easy for you to make the wrong choice
feels like everyday your letting him down
and you know this sin is killing you
and you can't see His Love shine though
you need the Lord, more than you know
Let him set you free, yeah, let him free from your sin
let him set you fee, yeah, set you free
If you can see his love shine through
and your sin killing you
you need the Lord more than you know...
Ok so there it is, I don't have an audio copy at this time but if you want to hear it I can get it recorded in the next few days. Just trying to use what ever avenue I can to serve. Thank you all for looking at this and I truly welcome any and all comments and suggestions you might have.
Peace
Scott
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Matthew Kelley on -
well I think that hearing the song would make it far easier to get a better idea of it and maybe give some constructive criticism. With that said I like the lyrics, the change of who your talking to between verse 1 and 2 seems different but like I said I liked it, especially verse 1.
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Permalink Reply by Charles Wolff on -
As Matthew mentioned, the change of voice (it starts out singing TO God, "you" in the song is God, but halfway through the chorus, "You" is suddenly some unsaved person) is, umm, an issue. I would suggest going through the lyric and changing it so that it is ALL the singer singing TO God, confessing shortcomings and asking for help). Among other things, if you're aiming at this being a worship song, it needs to avoid being "preachy," and this one seems too preachy to me. Might work as a song you'd sing as a performance, but this is a worship songwriter board...
Those opening lines, maybe "I want to GET right, I want to GROW strong." Be seems a little wrong for a character who clearly knows that they're "not there yet," and it also tells us right out of the gate what the song will be about.
Yeah, crank out a recording for us, even something simple to show how the song goes. But I'd really like to see the casting of the lyric fixed up ("you" consistently refers to God) on the recording...
Charles Wolff -
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