Deeper

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Dennis Clements on July 31, 2010 at 1:18pm

I like this song and think there is good potential here. There are a couple of things that I would be tempted to do differently:
1. The word "drowning" is an agitated, violent word that doesn't fit in well with the calm reflective nature of the song - I am casting about for another strong word that isn't quite so "flailing" in image.
2. Your song structure is AAAAAA - which is a lot of "A" - I wonder what it would be like if you threw in a contrasting "B" section before the key change - it might even be an instrumental.

How long were you guys singing in the parking lot? Very cool.

Permalink Reply by Chris Darling on July 31, 2010 at 2:07pm

We did 4 mini-sets over a 2 hour period as part of a regional radio station's morning show summer tour.

I've thought about adding a B section, but keep coming up empty. Still a work in progress.

Permalink Reply by Bizzy Bender on July 31, 2010 at 4:31pm

Nice! My only suggestion is that you should think about adding a bridge, to take the song "deeper" I wanted to hear something soar and it didn't. So if you want a better song, go deeper. I am with Dennis on the drowning which suggests death and grace brings life. I can hear the music to where I would imagine the song going and if I where capable I would chart it out but alas, my musicality is limited to humming.
peace
Bizzy

Permalink Reply by Rick Cogbill on August 1, 2010 at 12:12am

Nice song, Chris. For the "drowning" problem, how about something like "I'm held in Your Grace; I feel Your embrace" or perhaps "Wrapped in Your Grace I feel Your embrace". Kind of ties the two lines together - Just a thought.

Very definitely need a bridge to take off to. The song is just crying for it. Keep up the good work!

Permalink Reply by Al Hilgendorf on August 1, 2010 at 12:19am

Nice song, Chris. I'd have to agree with the "drowning" comments. Time to get out the Thesaurus. It reminds me of a song like "Worthy, You Are Worthy" or "Take This Life". Instead of a B section maybe a key change for each verse might do the trick.

al
www.everydaypraise.com

Permalink Reply by H. Quintana on August 2, 2010 at 12:52pm

I liked the song, very nice. Hope your work in progress gets finished, this is such a nice song. Can't wait to hear the finished product. Check out Tunecores Blog on Songwriting, very informative. God Bless!

Permalink Reply by daniel cash on August 4, 2010 at 4:03pm

If I had to add anything to the comments here (all of which I agree with) I would say that you should explore other keys for the entire song. For your voice the melody seems to be stuck in the awkward, "neither high nor low" range of your voice. The lyrics of your song are about yearning, desperate pleading for more of God. And though you sing very "pretty,"it would be nice to hear that emotion in your voice. Try it in a lower key, singing it more like a whisper (intimate, close). With a lower over all key, you may find it easier to write a "B" part that really cooks. You could also jump an octave for a big finish (a la "How He Loves" etc).

I know that "pretty" keys are a bone of contention for many worship leaders and congregations, but mixing things up can sometimes unleash the power of a song.

Your lyrics are very simple and the melody is predictable (not bad things for corporate singing), so feel free to "complicate" things musically. I think that you have the space to do that.

I'm also very jealous that you live in an area where there are Chick-fil-a's. How I miss the Classic Chicken Sandwich...*sigh*

Permalink Reply by Al Hilgendorf on August 7, 2010 at 3:36pm

Yes, or 'immersed'...