I am on a journey through this place
I don't know just how long it's gonna be
Well it may be tomorrow or it might be this afternoon
But I'm goin' over Jordan, Jordan's comin' soon

They say that life's a vapor, then it's gone
Here today and gone tomorrow it might be
A sinner I came into this world, redeemed I'm gonna leave
I'm goin' over Jordan, by way of Calvary

So when I get to Jordan's other side
Don't shed a tear for me, y'all don't cry
'Cuz you know there I'll be happy when I finally make it home
I'm gonna be among the faithful around God's throne

I am on a journey through this place
I don't know just how long it's gonna be
Well it may be tomorrow or it might be this afternoon
But I'm goin' over Jordan, Jordan's comin' soon

There won't be no more cryin' over there
No sickness toil or pain no saving prayer
But there's gonna be some shoutin' and some singing hallelujah
There's gonna be a great reunion over there

Jordan, Jordan, across the other side
When the time has come for me to go to that place beyond the mortal skies
There I will see the King in majesty who rose up from death to life
Who created a home in heaven for the faithful in Him who trust and abide


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video comes up as unavailable, both here and over at youtube... permissions?

also, if you're looking for comments, could you post the lyrics here in addition to linking to the video?

oops.. thanks.. please try it again.

Doug

I'm not sure if I've critiqued one of your songs before or not, but if I haven't, people 'round here will tell you that I'm tough :-)  This is aimed at making a better song, none of it is personal.

I can't tell whether this song is supposed to be in 3/4 or 4/4... I wish the guitar part was more rhythmic and consistent, right from the start... especially since this is a mostly positive message, maybe even do it faster... but I was confused by the rhythm all the way through.

Structurally... if the "I am on a journey..." part is meant to be a chorus, then vary the chords and melody more on the parts that are supposed to be the verse.  It felt kind of repetitive by the end, and then it was weird having a bridge appear so late in the song.  I want there to be a chorus which is musically distinguishable from the verse, and have it appear at regular intervals in the song.

The phrase "Jordan's coming soon" didn't work for me, the river isn't "coming" to the singer.  How about "I'll be crossing Jordan soon" ???

The rhyme structure varies from section to section... in about half the sections, lines 1 and 2 don't rhyme, but then in others, they do.  Be consistent.  I like rhymes, And then if lines 3 and 4 are going to rhyme, don't make them rhyme with 1 and 2 as well ("There won't be no more..." section).

You've got a very nice voice, how about investing $10 in a guitar tuner?  I found it distracting, but then I've become very picky about that from doing my own multitrack songs...

Hope that's helpful, once again, ask anybody 'round here, they'll tell you, "yeah, that's how Charles is..."

P.S. - I couldn't help thinking "vaper" (as in e-Cigarette) every time you sang "vapor."  That may be one of those words that's off-limits in P/W songs for a while :-)

Thanks Charles... it's a work in progress. (about 2 weeks so far)

the timing/rhythm will be fixed as we work through the song

you have a point about the chorus... I haven't decided on that yet

lol yeah I know the guitar was a bit outta tune -  only had a couple mins to run thru it..so..I let it go ;-)

as for the 3rd verse ..the rhyme is hallelujah with reunion ("over there" is tagged on)

and I wanted the bridge like that at the end.. it seems to wrap up the whole song with a bow. (I remember a song by Keith Green that ended this way)

oh and "Jordan's coming soon".. a little artistic liberty to convey the idea of the event - you're the first person to quibble with that..but I'm ok with it.

I appreciate your input.. and any other

God Bless

Doug

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