I have a situation where one of my backup singers is always trying to override me as lead. Her husband runs the sound and turns her mic up (per her gestures and pouting) and mine down so she can be heard above me. Their reasoning for this is because I have a strong voice and they turn her above me to be heard more. I have explained to them that the worship leader should be louder than the rest of the vocals and that he needs to follow my directions and not hers. Her response to our talk was telling me I was being petty about the mics. She has even went as far as stepping into my standing position which placed me behind her, her reasoning for that was she couldn’t see the words where she was. I told her I needed to be in that place because I am the worship leader and she needed to stand beside me. The tension was terrible during the worship service because she was mad, even our pastor felt the tension.
She has a very strong controlling personality and it is difficult to talk to her without her getting mad or offended. She thinks she needs to sing every word I sing and when I tell her she is to do only certain parts she gets…yep you got it mad! Then acts like she forgets and sings anyway. This church is small and has gone through some tough times in the past and we are on our way back up, so we have been limited on talents and gifting. She is 60 years old and was kind of thrown into the team without anyone hearing her sing, because she has a difficult time with staying on key and going flat, another good reason for not having a loud mic. She has even taped herself and still thinks she can sing well. The main reason for her joining the team was to play the piano and she hardly does that because she wants to sing and not play. She owns most of the equipment and that gives her more control over things, or so she would like to think.
I have started classes on worship before practice to help us all have a better understanding of true worship and hoping this will help her to understand the importance of unity, fasting, prayer and humility. I also have required the team to work with vocal teaching CD’s to help improve their voices, it hasn’t helped. I could go on with even more but just wanted to highlight some areas.
I know you are all probably thinking I am the one that needs banged on the head (LOL) for putting up with it like I have. But the truth is I am so concerned about hurting her (thinking about the past church issues) that I have not handled it right. Not that I have always allowed it but I become concerned as to how it will affect the church when I do. I also feel like she may not even know she acts like she does because it has been her personality for so long.
How do I deal with someone like this without asking them to leave the team? Is there hope for us in this situation? It makes me feel like I am the one trying to “control”. I know if something isn’t done it will only affect our worship and everyone on the team.