First let me say that I am the one looking for advice. I no longer am part of the worship team in our church, but my husband is. So much depends on this and that is why I am here asking for advice..
It is a long story and for that I apologize. Many years ago a married woman came to our small church. She asked me to be her friend. God told me immediately to pray. I didn't understand. I had never had a hard time making friends and I love people. I prayed that I would be a good friend to her, the kind that she needed me to be. After some time had gone by I came to know why God had asked me to pray. I was teaching the youth Sunday school class and she was starting a children choir. She asked me to help and I tried, but everything was very chaotic and disorganized. I even tried to help her with that, but she would never listen, she would just do it her way. She was trying to get the youth to sing along with the little kids and they really didn't want to. They wanted to sing, but they wanted to sing songs they could relate to. Youth type songs. At first I bought some CD's without the words, and they performed one of them for a 5th Sunday singing. They did a great job! Everyone said so...that is except the woman...let's call her Cathy. She told me that she thought they were awful and they shouldn't have done it, if they couldn't do any better than that. She said many things but you get the drift. After that my husband and I took our kids to a youth worship conference that I was to attend, and there my husband felt that God was calling him to use his talents with music to serve God in our church. He began helping me with the youth. We had a guitar that he played and the kids sang. It was great! The kids loved it, our kids loved it, and my husband's relationship with God grew. He asked my brother to play with him and from there we formed our own little singing group. My husband and I, and my brother and his wife, and any of our kids that wanted to join in. Things was going great for us, but Cathy was very jealous to say the least. Many things happened, and I don't want to go into a lot of details unless you need more information. I tried to help her, and even helped to get her started singing on her own. She had a very pretty voice. So I got her some CD's without the words and did specials on Sunday mornings. She wasn't satisfied with anything. This friendship was getting to be a lot of work for me. No one in our church really liked her and I was constantly trying to get people to give her a chance. I was constantly sticking up for her. Meanwhile she was not making it easy for me. For some reason it seems that she was always comparing herself to me. If I was doing something, then she had to be doing the same thing. When my husband was asked to be an elder in our church she got upset. Stuff like that. Then we were asked to start a praise team in our church. This sent her over the roof. The pastor didn't think she needed to be part of it and neither did the rest of us. She caused so much trouble, it nearly destroyed our church. It did not stop with church, she started going to my family. My brothers and sisters, my kids, friends. We tried working it out with the pastor, but he and his wife was on opposite sides. It was a mess. She had started writing songs of her own and now she wanted to sing and have my husband and my brother as her praise team with me and my brother's wife out. She was very flirtatious. She came up to the church one night after we had finished practicing and asked my husband to sing a song with her at a function up on main street. The song's name was "You know I love you". He was up on a level at the altar, and she got down on one knee and begged him. He said no, but I knew what she was doing, and I didn't like it. She knew he loved music and she was trying to get him to see how much better it would be if they worked together. She did many things to hurt me and my family. Eventually it became to much. We had tried to work it out, but wasn't getting any support. So we left the church. We tried to go to a different church but it wasn't right, and eventually we quit going altogether. I lost faith in everything! My husband, my church, people in general, and yes even in God. During that time, Cathy still came by and tried to get my hubby to sing with her, and got more involved in my family. There was a disagreement between my sister and her and she went to the police station. My sister called and asked if I would go with her. Mind you I had nothing to do with any of this situation. I was just going to support my sister. We walked in the police officer told me that Cathy was not my friend and that I should stay away from her. I was just there to support my sister. I had NOT been involved at all. After that she came by one day and acted like nothing had happened. She always did this. I told her that I thought it would be for the best if we went our separate ways. This friendship wasn't doing either of us any good. She didn't even hear me. I told her what the officer had told me and she said cops lie and I shouldn't believe them. She stopped coming over after that.
That is until my brother became the new pastor at the same church we had been going to. He came by and asked us to come back. We told him the condition we was in and that we would come, but we didn't want to get involved with anything right away. We needed time to heal and get our relationship back on track with God first. He agreed. Cathy had stated going there again too and I knew it. My brother said he had her singing and he was playing guitar. We had no problem with it at all. Everything was going good. Even our older kids started coming some. All the stuff that had happened before in tis church had left our kids with a bad taste in their mouths. Then my brother started going behind my back asking my hubby to play guitar again only with Cathy, another lady, and my brother. He also plays guitar. My brother's wife didn't like Cathy and my brother standing together so he told her to get up there and sing. So she did. At first my husband refused, but he loves music and the music was in need of some help. After much talking my husband and I agreed to give it a try. The first Sunday wasn't to bad. My husband played his guitar in the back so they wasn't standing together, but the next Sunday my brother's wife wasn't up there. She had quit. This has gone on for a couple months now and I have expressed that I would like to see my husband not standing next to her. Nothing. Then this last Friday night he came home from practice and was really upset. She had volunteered the the praise team to sing at a wedding that had been planned a year in advance, the next weekend. He was gripping about all the reasons they should not do it, and slowly I got filled in that he and my brother had agreed to do this thing without talking to either of the wives. Now I will admit I was angry. I had a lot going on this weekend! Our daughter's dance recital is this weekend as well as the wedding which we are all invited to because we are distant family to the groom. I asked why did he say yes if he didn't want to and all he could say it...I don't know. I know...because she can talk anyone into anything. She's in sales and she is the top sale's person. Plus I know because I had dealt with her many times and she always got her way. What was supposed to be a good weekend for us with our kids and grand kids turned into a nightmare. Finally after much discussion my husband agreed to go to church Sunday, and tell them that he was not going to do it. He was even wanting to quit the praise team and he was even thinking about quitting church again. This time for good. He is tired of all the stress. She came up to me at church like nothing had happened and I told her to give me some space and she made it into a big scene. Come to find out my brother had not even bothered to tell his wife and she was NOT at all happy about it at all. After church the 4 of us had a long discussion. MY brother feels that it is Cathy's right to be on the praise team. His wife does not, because of her lack of spiritual maturity, and many things that she has done that reflects badly on the church. Many people quit coming as soon as they see her up on the stage. She thinks she's a star! The reason I am here asking...is I need help. My husband and I are trying to decide what to do now. My brother has not been honest with us about many things and he knows that this is causing trouble for our marriage and our family, but he doesn't seem to want to work with us. Plus he is telling my husband it is no big deal. His wife and I both disagree. What do you guys think? Please give me some advice and please pray for us and our church. I don't want to run away this time. I want to stay and fight for what is right. What ever that is. I just don't want it to cost me my marriage.