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Asked to step down from leading worship

I haven't been on this site for over a year and tonight I thought I would take a peek at what is going on in worship the past few months and there it was, "kicked out of ministry.... dreadlocks." 

 

Let me tell you my story.

I have been a volunteer worship leader for 4 years. I had to deal with someone on my worship team (Terry) who along with his son (Ryan)  tore me down saying that I go flat all the time, I am sharp some of the time, I move around too much on the platform, the songs we sing are out of date (which they aren't, most of them are on CCLI's top 50) and I needed to be replaced. I had another run in with Ryan (he was dating my niece) and it was something minor.

Terry, his wife and Ryan got mad over some issues at the church and left. Terry was the type of person who served on deacon boards at different church's and he let it be known that at some other church's he had to let the pastor know who was in charge. They had to get rid of pastors.

 

After leaving the church he told a board member that on of the reasons they left was because I had sent Ryan messages on facebook and jumped him out over a half a dozen times. All of that was a lie. I sent
Terry a letter and told him what a liar he is and jumped him out about some other things in the process. Terry took the letter to a board member and they called me in about it and asked me to step aside from leading worship and I could return when they saw a change in my attitude.

 

After several weeks I sent one board member a meassage about returning and told him that their decision was inconsistent on what they had done. For example, one of the boys leaders was swimming in a river with 4 or 5 boys and they went skinny dipping. They told him not to do it again or they would remove him. They were breaking the law and that was fine. The church secretary has jumped the pastor out and caused him stress that led to him having a heart attack. Because her and her husband are probably the biggest givers in the church they won't do anything about it.

I asked them 3 times if everyone has to follow the same rules and gave them examples and they said, "yes" and that isn't the case. There are tons more examples I can give you.  I am the pastors brother and I told them, the rules are different for me and they denied it.

HELP, HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE THIS?  I have asked them to meet with me and I'm waiting a response. If they refuse, I'll ask a second time. If they refuse, according to Matt 18, I can publically confront them and that is what I'll do.

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Permalink Reply by Greg Moore on February 16, 2011 at 6:27am

Unlike repertoire companies, the church doesn't hold auditions for drama parts.  People can just jump right on stage and start emoting, playing Othello and Iago and Queen of the Night, all for free (or for a tithe, buying a box seat).  I would agree with some of the comments above -- you have to resist a powerful temptation to join the drama.  Remember, Satan is the accuser of the brethren.  He may influence brother A, to accuse brother B, but brother A is not Satan -- just a deluded or selfish brother, who needs the example of friends who ride above the outrageous stuff TD has described.

Not easy -- I have been astonished, after getting in my car and driving away from a meeting, thinking about it and realizing some of the subtle jibes I put in, hardly thinking of what it would be like if that person were present.

Permalink Reply by Wulf Forrester-Barker on February 16, 2011 at 7:56am

+1 for that! I haven't had exactly the same experience but I've had my share of knocks along the route as I've sought to to walk faithfully the path God has set for me. Some have been pretty stressful at the time but all have helped chip off rough edges, making me a smoother stone for his sling.

 

Wulf

Permalink Reply by Greg Moore on February 16, 2011 at 8:12pm
I thought I'd heard just about all the Christian metaphors that could be had, but "smoother stone for His sling" is truly cool!
Permalink Reply by Wulf Forrester-Barker on February 16, 2011 at 9:56pm

I got that from a book by a Chinese pastor, Wong Ming Dao, called "Stones Made Smooth". Early on, he talks about David who, as a brave young shepherd, carefully picked a few stones from the brook and used them to defeat Goliath. He goes on to expand the idea that, like mountain rocks tumbled down a stream, the knocks we receive in life are God's plan to make us smooth and fit for his purpose.

 

It is a wonderful book - fairly obscure but worth taking the time to read if you ever come across a copy.

 

Wulf

 

ps. You can find it on Amazon but not available to buy

Permalink Reply by Mike Domenici on February 20, 2011 at 2:45am

My prayer then is that I'll be a smooth stone He can use to do His will.

Permalink Reply by Intercessory Pray-er on February 17, 2011 at 3:06pm

The bible says in James that if any man lacks wisdom, the Lord will give it to him liberally. Seek the Father for wisdom about the whole situation...but be prepared because He may reveal some things about your inner man that you don't want to see and didn't realize were there.

If it were me in the situation, I would first humble myself and ask Him to show me the truth about myself - that is a really great place to start.  Ask God to show you the issues in your heart that separate you from any fellowship with Him and any behaviours or patterns that you are unaware of that hurt others.

I had a situation and I once prayed and ask God to show me what is going on inside of me and show me my heart and what I really looked like to Him.  What and eye opener! OUCH! While it was hurtful to see that there was so much inside of me hindering me in my relationship with other people, I was able to submit myself under His mighty hand, let HIM do a work in me, heal me, remove my stubborn pride and fix my not-so-good behaviors that were hurtful to others (that I was completely unaware of until I prayed) and just let Him mold me and make me into HIS image not the image.

Work on yourself first as God helps you.  The only thing we as human beings truly have control over is our attitude in any given situation. I know this is contrary to what advice you are probably looking for, but the LORD loves a broken heart and He won't turn away a humble person who asks for His help.

Jesus told us to bless those who curse us and use us.  Pray that your heart will be softened toward those you feel that have done you wrong and forgive them.  Ask God to put HIS LOVE for those individuals in you and help you to see them through HIS eyes, and ask Him to heal the situation and direct you to a group of individuals who will love you for the person that God created you to be. Always forgive because the Father forgives us no matter how much wrong we have done.

Permalink Reply by Cory Zipperle on February 19, 2011 at 6:03pm

For a second there, I thought that I had served in this church.  

 

My answer, in a list:

 

1. Leave.

2. Matthew 18 is about reconciliation more than it is about separation.  If everything here is as you say, just leave.  Don't get into a public discourse on why.

3. If you have them as facebook friends, twitter followers, whatever, remove them.  The point isn't to offend, but if this is as you put it here, people like this just need to be cut out of your life.

4. At your next church, take a private meeting with whomever you will be serving under.  Let them know what happened, just in case somebody tries to stir something up.

 

Last year I was fired from my church.  It will be a year in April.  The leadership was piloted by anger and lies - not God.  When push came to shove, I never had a problem with holding them accountable to their words.  Many times I had to pull emails from the archive and say "I did xyz because you told me to do xyz".  They'd look me in the face and deny these facts.  I even kept voicemails and they would deny those.  So once they finally fired me (praise Jesus), I was immediately recruited by another church.  They didn't really know what had happened.  I took a private meeting with only the two leaders that I would be working for and gave them my side of the story.  I kept it simple, leaving out details, basically letting them know that we didn't get along and that I ended up getting fired.  I explained to them that I felt that it was important because a lot of members leave that church and come to the one that I'm being asked to serve in.  They were thankful, and we have had an excellent working relationship ever since. 

 

 

 

 

Permalink Reply by Stevo on February 20, 2011 at 3:44am

2. Matthew 18 is about reconciliation more than it is about separation.  If everything here is as you say, just leave.  Don't get into a public discourse on why.

 

Yep, it sounds like he's got the keystone cops for leadership. No need to stick around!

Permalink Reply by Matthew Stahlmann on February 20, 2011 at 9:47pm

Publically confront then find a different church.  I am not one to church hop I never do it but I did encounter this type of situation in one of my first churches.  I will elaborate if you feel it necessary but to make a long story short, instead of trying to change the church I found one that was more in line with who I was and where my family was.

Maybe skip the public confrontation.  Most likely won't get you anywhere...

Permalink Reply by PC on February 21, 2011 at 2:45am

Hi there.  If I have learned anything in the last ten years - it is that worship leaders/pastors are on the front line and an  easy target for disgruntled congregation members.  My question would be - where is your brother in all this?  He is the SENIOR PASTOR!  If the congregation is unhappy with him then I would not take things personally.  We are called to certain ministry for a season - and then God moves us on.  Sometimes because we hold on to the ministry too tightly and don't listen to the Holy Spirit, conflict occurs which takes us  out of the ministry situation.  But God is there to move us on to the next great thing!  Be in pray.  Be faithful and obedient to the Holy Spirit.  Wait.  I would not move on anything.  I would wait and I would let the board know that your letter to Terry in hindsight was not the proper way to deal with the conflict and that you are spending time with the Lord and would like to request a meeting with them in two weeks to discuss your future role in worship.  Then truly - DO spend some time with the Lord and ask yourself "what is my motivation for wanting to lead worship?"  Ask God to intercede for you in the situation - and above all - go to Terry and repair the relationship.  Take the high road my friend - be the first one to ask for forgiveness and the first one to forgive.  If you don't - it will only be your heart that hurts.  Humble yourself.  God uses the weak to teach the strong - not vice versa.

 

Bless you my friend in your journey.

Permalink Reply by Allan Midgley on February 21, 2011 at 12:37pm

TD, most pastors I have had the honour to serve with , DO NOT like "poison pen letters" and do not approve of using them to try to fix issues.

That being said, if you allow your attitude to festor and get in your way, then you will lose all! That is not fair nor necessarily right but very possible, as you are not letting go and allowing God to deal with the issues here, and there are definitely more going on here ( this has already been mentioned in this thread). 

 

My mentor many years ago, said to me, "give it to God and then sit down and wait; stop trying to fix it, when you do, you stand in front of Him while He is trying to shoot the enermy!!" I didn't understand this for such a long time, then I got it. I needed to learn to trust God. If God wants you to leave then do so when and only when He tells you too or makes it so plain to do so. And if you do, then you will need to leave the bagadge behind or you will infect the new church you go to. Be transparent in all things and when you need to make an account there is not mud on your shoes ( if you know what I mean).

Permalink Reply by Stevo on February 21, 2011 at 3:58pm
This is really timely advice. My pastor made an analogy yesterday - Jesus called Lazarus out of the grave, having raised him from the dead, but he asked the onlookers to loose the wrappings. I think we all know when it's our time to step in and do something. And that's not usually in the beginning. God has to do the things that we can't. Then it will be clear when we can step in and do our part - if there is one.

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