confidence drainers

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Permalink Reply by Justin Kirkendall on November 3, 2008 at 5:14pm

I'm like that.

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Permalink Reply by Justin Kirkendall on November 3, 2008 at 5:13pm

haha oh yes. I agree with this.

I think honesty is the best policy- I can relate to that totally. I think that is where relationships play a key part. With my team, we are a big family- and they know that I'm not going to intentionally call them out or embarras them, but if they are off or sounding bad- they need to know. One of the ladies on my team that I have put alot of work into told me one day "Justin, if i really sound bad, i want you to be able to tell me because i would rather it come from someone that is looking out for me then someone who is making a joke about me in the congregation"

I find that is easier just to be you, use tact, but be honest.

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Permalink Reply by Colette Yallop on September 6, 2008 at 8:07am

I have heard too much painful worship coming from the front of the church and it can really be a block in the church growing. I believe that people are called to lead, sing play in worship by The Lord, we are all called to worship The Lord, but not all called into leading the others at the front of the church. People need to have a real gift and be anointed. Unfortunately anyone can end up at the front of most churches over here in that role and everyone else suffers, especially those with a ear for music. encourage someone if they have a call into that area. Too many people just want a platform.

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Permalink Reply by Junjie on September 7, 2008 at 12:15am

Maybe it's because leading the worship is seen as a more advanced form of worship rather than a different activity. That, to me, is the cause of most of the confusion (and pain, for the more musical amongst us...) :)

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Permalink Reply by Diana on November 3, 2008 at 2:57pm

Junjie,
Here is a confidence drainer.....I come from a a big church where there are lots of great vocalists and musicians. I am enthusiastic, ready to learn and grow, a person who keeps commitments, dedicated, but never given the chance even as a stand by musician. My vocals are improving as well as my musicianship( keys). I have heard there are big churches where they mentor people like me so they can have a chance to lead worship or be in one of the bands. Now I do lead worship in a home fellowship group and that goes pretty well most of the time. Now if given the chance I would be at rehearsals on time and would practice and work very hard at it...but I have not been given the chance... I encountered the leader of the Gospel team and said I had a song I had written that needed arranging ( which he does) and I felt would be possibly a good gospel song for his team. He tells me "show me what you got", I send him an mp3 and then don't hear from him for 6 weeks...I e-mail and he says he hasn't got the time. Its wrong to ask someone to show you something and then back down, even if he were to tell me the song stunk, at least it meant he listened to it. I don't even think he did...that made me feel pretty bad and did drain confidence. Others tell me wait on God's timing, but no one in leadership is going to know I have music to share unless i tell them so I get really confused and discouraged. Any ideas folks. I am well respected in my church as a mature and involved believer in other departments, but the music people can be rather elitist and not very friendly even though I completely support and encourage them...It totally baffles me....It feels more like...Its who you know.....

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Permalink Reply by Junjie on November 4, 2008 at 5:48am

I'd like to share with you what happened with one of my students.

She comes from a church where they have no time for newbies, in fact they hire full-time musicians to play for their church services.

Now because the musicians are musically good (sound just like the CD) and the leadership doesn't want to mess with what looks to them like it's working, the average lay person is taken out of the picture. She was brushed off when she asked if she could play for the music team, they didn't even bother to go through the motions of auditioning her.

She just went on anyway. She started taking piano lessons with me, learning how to lead worship (you have to know what a worship leader needs if you want to be a proper worship musician, in my opinion) and started putting it all into practice. In fact, by the time she learned major and minor chords she was going through her worship song book to learn songs that only needed major and minor chords. And she started leading worship for a small group meeting.

She's not playing or leading worship for her church service (yet) but her reputation spread and she also started playing and leading worship for a weekly prayer meeting at her church.

O boy, am I proud of her! :)

Diana, many people will tell you to wait for God's timing. I'll say: what will you do different now if you KNOW you're up to serve next Sunday? Do that now. :)

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Permalink Reply by Dan on November 3, 2008 at 5:06pm

Going back to the original question. I think a lot of confidence can be drained by simply saying nothing. If you have someone who is doing really well, let them know it by way of compliments. Don't take it for granted that they know they did well. Lack of words can be just as damaging as negative words. Here's an analogy. Let's say you know someone who gained 50 lbs in the last 3 years. You don't dare say anything about it. Then they go on a diet and lose those 50 lbs and start getting all kinds of compliments. You see how the lack of saying anything was because there wasn't anything good to say about the person? So, in the same way, your lack of saying anything when someone does something good might be taken by that person as not being good.

ON the other hand, if they are doing bad though, they should also be told. There are many people (like in the American Idol auditions) who really think they can sing or play when they can't.

D

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Permalink Reply by Justin Kirkendall on November 3, 2008 at 5:15pm

I agree.

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Permalink Reply by Justin Kirkendall on November 3, 2008 at 5:19pm

Confidence Drainer:

Having a leader that is striving for perfection.
instead of a spirit of excellence.

I have been the perfectionist leader- and nothing was ever right. That vocal wasn't right. That drum beat wasn't exactly what I wanted- and i drove myself and my team crazy. So i changed.

I realized that excellence is doing the best that you can with what you have.
and it helped me and my entire team and the church out- tremendously

but for a newbie and an older member- that would most definetly be a confidence drainer.

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